"US"

Good things on porch swings....

Front porch swings...Not sure if these are exclusive to the south, I imagine people all over have them. However, I do know we southerners take our swings very seriously. This swing is where my future husband proposed to me. This swing is where I spent hot summer nights chatting with old girlfriends, and cool Autumn days curles up in my Grandmother's handmade quilt reading Faulkner. It was where I laughed at my silly dogs, and had some good heartfelt cries. It was where I spent mornings sipping coffee and just feeling the comfort of the man I love sitting beside me, often not having to say a word.

This swing....was a good one.

Sadly I had to leave this little house but the memories I made their will last my lifetime. Old friends, new friends, dinner parties, engagement parties, birthdays, late nights, and early mornings all seemed to find their way onto the fronch pourch and inevitably, the swing. So as I move on to the next chapter in my life, a new place and a husband, there will somehow be a swing that will make its way into my life. And I imagine it is where I will again get to laugh with friends, sip coffee and put my feet in Joseph's lap, watch my silly dogs, and who knows...perhaps swing and sing a baby to sleep...Anything is possible.

What Now? A Moment of Clarity.

So I’m sure like me, a lot of you are asking this question. What now? What do I do now? Where do I go from here? But I guess one of the bigger issues I have is not necesarily not having a current job, but wondering what do I say when people ask “And what do you do?” I could run down a very long list of things I do, hobbies I have, places I go, people I spend time with, but it seems the only correct answer to this question is giving one’s vocation. As if one’s career choice is what defines them, like by me telling you what I do to make money is an all encompassing answer as to who I am. I hate when people ask that question. I hated it when I still had a job. Maybe this whole process that we Americans are going through is exactly what we, as human beings, need to go through in order to open our eyes to the ridiculous little packages we have placed ourselves and each other in. You know what I am talking about. Whe you meet someone and as them what it is they do perhaps they say “mechanic” you put them in the “mechanic box” not a whole lot of pretty wrapping paper and ribbon, just a small plain box. When you ask the next person what they do and they say “lawyer” the package just got pretty. A “lawyer box” probably has really nice paper, expensive ribbon, etc because you think what is inside is more valuable. You know you do it. We all do it. The funny thing about today though is that all of the packages are starting to look the same, in fact some of the less attractive packages are starting to look better, and to a lot of people who used to be in the pretty paper, expensive ribbon boxes, the plain brown wrapped boxes are looking pretty darn good. This is where we are going to learn not to let our careers define us. Not to put people in different categories, or look at someone like they have less to offer because you feel their career path is not up to par. Right now, it does not seem to matter a whole lot. We are starting to realize that what we have worked for since highschool, college, grad school, etc can be ripped away at a moments notice and there better be something else underneath. You had better been working on yourself some, and making lasting relationships, and defining yourself through who you truly are and not by what merely pays your bills. The people that I see today that are not panicking, even though they have potentially lost everything, are the prople who have spent a lot of time nurturing themselves and those around them. They have a peace because they already know what most people fail to realize, and that is I am not my job, I am not my car, I am not my big beautiful house, I am an amazing, interesting, strong individual who has given of myself to others and the only really true good investments are in people. Im not saying being destitute is the goal here. Of course there are basic necessities that have to be met in order to properly function, and for those that have lost homes my heart goes out to them. Yes this is a mess, yes people have lost what they have worked their whole lives for, but here’s the silver lining; You can make it happen again. Surely not everyone will be able to recover to the same extent that they were living, but they will reprioritize, and all of a sudden that second car is not a “necesity”, that yearly trip to Disney World? Dont really need it. We have spent billions on things to make our life better, easier, and where has it gotten us? We will start to enjoy the little things again. We will start to create again. Some of us will find things we never realized we would love because we were too busy making money to buy “stuff”. We will love stronger, and we will judge less. I am hoping that on the other side of this mountain of a mess, is a new USA, that will not again take for granted what it has and what it can be. -TP

30 Years....

So Im approaching the big 30. Not really sure why its that big of a deal. Your twenties are overrated, and its not like 30 is the halfway mark of our life span… At any rate, I will celebrate if for no other reason than I have reached this milestone alive and well, with all my limbs intact.

I will say there are many, many valuable lessons I have learned on my way, and although I have many, many more to learn, I think Im going to write down a few I know by heart.

1. Dont limit yourself by other’s expectations. Only you can truly stop yourself.

2. Its better to have only one real friend then 2 dozen “party buddies” I know. Been there, done that, dont have the t-shirt bc a “friend” got drunk and stole it.

3. Teach a child something. I never knew how gratifying it was to have someone learn something from me until I taught a silly song to one of my nieces. It wasn’t a huge life lesson, but she laughed and sang it over and over and with absolute joy told people her “Aunt Trishy” had taught her about “Herman the Wormin”.

4. Be yourself. No one likes a faker, and people arent as dumb as you think. They’ll figure out quickly youre full of it and move on. And youll be alone. Again.

5. You dont have to like everyone, but you should be kind, courteous, and respectful. If you cant be, remove yourself from the situation.

6. Get rid of dead weight. Be it crap in your closet or “friends” who only drag you down. At the end of the day you didnt need it and it took up room where other things could be.

7. Love your family. Once you accept they are who they are, then you can accept yourself.

8. Dont let anyone ever make you feel like you are worthless, or not good enough. And I said “let” because no one can make you feel any certain way unless you let them. Take control for your actions, and kick the losers to the curb.

9. You have to give love and respect to be loved and respected. And in order to give it properly, you must first love and respect yourself. I wish more women practiced this. I didnt always, but I learned and life is so much more lovely.

10. Be kind. Simple, but so often overlooked in our busy day to day lives.

11. Sometimes to really get things going, you have to stop, be still, and listen.

12. It isnt always about you. Get over yourself, bc other people will.

13. Try and appreciate the arts. You dont have to be a wine and cheese expert who has fabulous gay friends and attends every gala opening wearing all black and smoking something foreign. I mean, you can be, that’s pretty cool too, but just try and appreciate art even if you dont quite get it.

14. You can analyze any situation down to the point where you find a reason not to do it. Sometimes you should go with your gut, and take a flying leap of faith. If not you’ll always wonder what might of been.

15. Dont inhale.

16. Never make someone a priority in your life if youre not a priority in theirs.

17. Volunteer somewhere once in your life, and if you get the chance to do so in a third world country go. You will never be the same.

18. Be nice to old people. You’ll be old one day too. Unless you die, then its probably bc you werent nice to old people and God is punishing you! (jk)

19. Dont take everything so seriously. Life is not that dramatic, and most of the drama in our lives we bring on ourselves. I repeat, get over yourself.

20. Be passionate about your views and let people know where you stand. Along those lines repsect that other people have different viewpoints. Try and understand why they think the way they do. You might change your mind, or you might totally validate yourself. Either way, you still win.

21. Appreciate your teachers!!!! They get paid diddly and still show up every day bc they care about you!

22. Never stop learning. You never know it all and if you think you do, you are truly clueless.

23. Dont give up on God. He never gives up on you.

24. Cherish the people you love and please, please make sure they know how important they are to you. I have actually written letters to the people I love the most and tucked them away. In the event anything happens to me, they’ll always know they shared my heart. Hopefully that would be some small comfort.

25. Dont fear death, be prepared.

26. If the prize outweighs the risk, and you can live with the loss should you lose, go for it. If you cant, then dont be stupid. Its that simple.

27. Give your heart away but make sure the recipient is deserving.

28. Graciousness and tact get you light years further than cattiness and meanness.

29. Dont make decision based on emotion. That said, dont make decisions based all on practicality. Find a happy medium. Not a joyful psychic you silly! Balance!

30. My teens were awful and my twenties need to be erased. But my best years are still yet to come and I welcome them with open arms, amazing friends, a wonderful neurotic family, newly found insight, and the best bottle of red wine I can buy! Cheers to life!

Fun in Hoboken

For some reason I always feel that gravitational pull to the big city...NYC. But after this weekend I'm thinkin' maybe I was actually a Jersey girl in another life. That would explain....so much.

Happiness is...

Hapiness is kissing my puppy on a front porch swing, and wearing flannel in the fall.